Monday, August 3, 2020

Lessons From a New-Ish Father: The Importance of Competition

Learning how to compete is a vital life lesson. I have known this for many years, but on May 6, 2019, my life changed forever.  On this day, my young King was born. To say that the birth of my son has been a life changing, mind altering experience would be an understatement.  From the moment I laid eyes on him, a feeling of immeasurable love consumed me.  And, at the same time, I knew that I wanted to do anything in my power to protect him (and ultimately to teach him to protect himself). During the last fifteen months, these emotions have grown with each passing day.  I will teach him many lessons as he grows.  He will learn that our history does not begin with slavery.  Instead, our history is filled with kings, queens, conquerors, mathematicians and philosophers.  But I want him to also learn the importance of competition. 

 

Prior to playing organized team sports in the second grade, I played throw-up-tackle (football) in my neighborhood.  We certainly did not have pads or helmets, but this did not stop us.  In the second grade, I started playing football for an up-and-coming pop warner football team in my hometown of Winston-Salem, NC.  My team was full of kids from different neighborhoods, different socioeconomic backgrounds, different races and religions. 

 

Back to the importance of competition.  Although we were young, the pop warner football league was full contact.  We wore helmets, pads, mouth guards and the like.  If you have ever played football or have children who have, you likely know that you do not receive your football equipment on the first day of practice.  It usually takes a few weeks, but once the pads arrive, you know it will soon be time for full contact.  Depending on how you are built, this could be a good or a bad thing.  Either way, when the pads arrive, there is nowhere to hide on the football field.  If you do not embrace the physicality of the sport, your peers will not respect you and you might end up being labeled as “scary” or “soft,” which is a reputation that can follow a person for many years.    

 

I remember the first day of full contact practice.  Although I had played football in my neighborhood and on the playground at school, I had no experience with pads.  I remember hearing about a drill called “Bull-in-the-Ring.”  I was not sure what this drill would consist of.  However, it did not take long before I learned that this drill would require you to stand in the middle of a circle of your teammates.  While in the middle, the coach would randomly call out the name of a player to charge at you in the ring.  Your goal was to meet whoever was called out head-on in the middle of the ring.  When called into the middle, you usually had to stay there for a few rounds before the coach called someone to replace you.  This drill taught you to become comfortable with physical contact.  And, if you had never experienced this kind of contact, it would help you see what your fight or flight reaction would be because failing to “fight” in a game could lead to serious injury.  This drill made you compete, even when you were too young to necessarily understand what that meant or how it would affect your life moving forward.  I played football for a few years.  I believe playing football helped me begin forming my competitive spirit, which I carry with me today on and off the field.

 

In the sixth grade, I started playing organized basketball.  But, before I discuss that experience, I have to provide some context.  One year prior, so my last year in elementary school, I had an experience on the playground that represented a crossroad for me.  Prior to this day, I had never played basketball—organized or otherwise.  I was a football guy.  But, for whatever reason, this day I decided to try my hand at playing basketball.  When I tell you I was terrible, I mean terrible.  The kids who played ball, who were also my friends, let me know that I was a terrible basketball player.  This was embarrassing, but I did not want anyone to know how bad I felt. I also knew that I would learn the game and become one of the best in my city.

 

That night, when my mom came home from work, I asked her to buy me a basketball.  I was determined to never be laughed at because of my inability to play basketball.  Without going into too much detail, I began practicing dribbling in my parents’ basement.  Soon, I asked my mother to buy VHS (yes, I’m that old) instructive tapes on ball handling, shooting, passing and dribbling.  By the next year, I was playing in the Youth Basketball League at the Central YMCA.  Although I was not yet the best player in my age group, I was a respectable basketball player—and no longer a laughing stock. I believe my previous experiences competing on the football field taught me how to compete in this new sport.    

 

Now, back to my son.  I intend to introduce him to sports as early as possible.  He is only fifteen months old, but we spend time most days shooting on a little tikes basketball goal.  He is still too young to really understand what he is doing, but I believe that kids emulate what they see from their parents.  So, I’ll keep working with him.  And, when he is older, I want to introduce him to martial arts or boxing, which are not team sports.  But they teach lessons of constraint and discipline, which are also very important.  They teach you that although you will be a teammate at times, there will be times when you will be alone. 

 

So why is competition so important to me?  When you learn how to compete, you necessarily learn to deal with disappointment through losses.  These lessons learned in sports are a microcosm for life outside of a sports field or court. People who learn to deal with wins and losses at an early age have an advantage over folks who learn this lesson later or never. These folks are also less likely to overreact to a bad result.  These folks also know how to dig just a little bit deeper because they are aware of what the competition is likely doing to prepare.  Thus, I do not believe in participation trophies once a child is old enough to understand competition.  In life, when applying for a job, you either land the job, or not.  There are no participation trophies in adulthood.  So, learning these lessons early in life prepares us to succeed in various aspects of adulthood.    I want my son to know how to deal with wins and losses, so that he will hopefully be able to maintain an appropriate demeanor whether he is winning or losing.  Afterall, nobody likes to be around a sore loser or a person who gloats about every win.  Balance is key.

 

Peace

 

 

 


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