Learning how to compete is a vital life lesson. I have known this for many years, but on May 6, 2019, my life changed forever. On this day, my young King was born. To say that the birth of my son has been a life changing, mind altering experience would be an understatement. From the moment I laid eyes on him, a feeling of immeasurable love consumed me. And, at the same time, I knew that I wanted to do anything in my power to protect him (and ultimately to teach him to protect himself). During the last fifteen months, these emotions have grown with each passing day. I will teach him many lessons as he grows. He will learn that our history does not begin with slavery. Instead, our history is filled with kings, queens, conquerors, mathematicians and philosophers. But I want him to also learn the importance of competition.
Prior
to playing organized team sports in the second grade, I played throw-up-tackle
(football) in my neighborhood. We
certainly did not have pads or helmets, but this did not stop us. In the second grade, I started playing football
for an up-and-coming pop warner football team in my hometown of Winston-Salem,
NC. My team was full of kids from different
neighborhoods, different socioeconomic backgrounds, different races and
religions.
Back
to the importance of competition. Although
we were young, the pop warner football league was full contact. We wore helmets, pads, mouth guards and the
like. If you have ever played football
or have children who have, you likely know that you do not receive your football
equipment on the first day of practice.
It usually takes a few weeks, but once the pads arrive, you know it will
soon be time for full contact. Depending
on how you are built, this could be a good or a bad thing. Either way, when the pads arrive, there is
nowhere to hide on the football field.
If you do not embrace the physicality of the sport, your peers will not
respect you and you might end up being labeled as “scary” or “soft,” which is a
reputation that can follow a person for many years.
I
remember the first day of full contact practice. Although I had played football in my
neighborhood and on the playground at school, I had no experience with pads. I remember hearing about a drill called “Bull-in-the-Ring.” I was not sure what this drill would consist
of. However, it did not take long before
I learned that this drill would require you to stand in the middle of a circle of
your teammates. While in the middle, the
coach would randomly call out the name of a player to charge at you in the
ring. Your goal was to meet whoever was
called out head-on in the middle of the ring.
When called into the middle, you usually had to stay there for a few rounds
before the coach called someone to replace you.
This drill taught you to become comfortable with physical contact. And, if you had never experienced this kind
of contact, it would help you see what your fight or flight reaction would be because
failing to “fight” in a game could lead to serious injury. This drill made you compete, even when you
were too young to necessarily understand what that meant or how it would affect
your life moving forward. I played
football for a few years. I believe playing
football helped me begin forming my competitive spirit, which I carry with me
today on and off the field.
In
the sixth grade, I started playing organized basketball. But, before I discuss that experience, I have
to provide some context. One year prior,
so my last year in elementary school, I had an experience on the playground
that represented a crossroad for me. Prior
to this day, I had never played basketball—organized or otherwise. I was a football guy. But, for whatever reason, this day I decided
to try my hand at playing basketball.
When I tell you I was terrible, I mean terrible. The kids who played ball, who were also my
friends, let me know that I was a terrible basketball player. This was embarrassing, but I did not want
anyone to know how bad I felt. I also knew that I would learn the game and
become one of the best in my city.
That
night, when my mom came home from work, I asked her to buy me a basketball. I was determined to never be laughed at
because of my inability to play basketball.
Without going into too much detail, I began practicing dribbling in my
parents’ basement. Soon, I asked my
mother to buy VHS (yes, I’m that old) instructive tapes on ball handling, shooting,
passing and dribbling. By the next year,
I was playing in the Youth Basketball League at the Central YMCA. Although I was not yet the best player in my
age group, I was a respectable basketball player—and no longer a laughing stock.
I believe my previous experiences competing on the football field taught me how
to compete in this new sport.
Now,
back to my son. I intend to introduce
him to sports as early as possible. He is
only fifteen months old, but we spend time most days shooting on a little tikes
basketball goal. He is still too young
to really understand what he is doing, but I believe that kids emulate what
they see from their parents. So, I’ll
keep working with him. And, when he is
older, I want to introduce him to martial arts or boxing, which are not team
sports. But they teach lessons of
constraint and discipline, which are also very important. They teach you that although you will be a
teammate at times, there will be times when you will be alone.
So
why is competition so important to me? When
you learn how to compete, you necessarily learn to deal with disappointment
through losses. These lessons learned in
sports are a microcosm for life outside of a sports field or court. People who
learn to deal with wins and losses at an early age have an advantage over folks
who learn this lesson later or never. These folks are also less likely to overreact
to a bad result. These folks also know
how to dig just a little bit deeper because they are aware of what the competition
is likely doing to prepare. Thus, I do
not believe in participation trophies once a child is old enough to understand
competition. In life, when applying for
a job, you either land the job, or not.
There are no participation trophies in adulthood. So, learning these lessons early in life
prepares us to succeed in various aspects of adulthood. I
want my son to know how to deal with wins and losses, so that he will hopefully
be able to maintain an appropriate demeanor whether he is winning or losing. Afterall, nobody likes to be around a sore
loser or a person who gloats about every win.
Balance is key.
Peace
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